Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Decent opening for short story? Sci-fi/Horror themed short story?

I know there is probably a lot of grammatical errors just wondering if its a decent start. Thanks for input!!!

"0817 peered through the scope with watery eyes. Its lens buzzed to life and magnified the rough form skulking across the hall, unveiling the milky white face of a black eyed man with the numbers 3496 printed on the top left corner of his tactical suit. His body though still in tact bore a huge pink and purple crater across the gut, allowing the spongy cords to dangle from within. "
Added (1). I don't know how you don't understand that first line Jamoca its pretty basic. If it was the way your understanding it, it would have been written "0817 peered through the watery eyed scope."
Added (2). Thanks a lot for the critique!
>>> Decent opening for short story? Sci-fi/Horror themed short story?