Do I have an excuse why I am lazy/depressed?

I had it hard at every phase of my life,to the point im in mor depression. I cant find motivation to work nor go to school and be social. I have always been rejected and an outcast. At age 4 I was sen as a crazy kid who always need therapy and influenced by my schizo dad. Aftr age 4 I lost my mom (due to my dad murdering her) and move in with my grandma who was more strict. She was always verably abusive because I had a lazy eye and was clumsy.
I began going to elentry and became laughing stock due to my height,lazy eye and extra one-eye thick lens glasses(ik funny). I was always caled ******** and choose to ignore, but was hurting inside.y grandma never let me due nor go anywhere due to fear and i became extremly introverted while i ws an alredy outcast. The first year of milddle school I was bullied, haviing demonic encounters and suicidal and seen as crazy bc I always look angry even at church. Id wy through 6th grade I developed a extreme body odor that also made me an outcast and hated. By 7th grade i went through eye surgery and everything was better, but I was the worse dresser in school and was stinky developing low self esteem even more. By high school I was still stank and diagnosed and made fun of for being mentally retarded. This led me further int depression and I reteated to my bed and sleep all day like in middle school. Later,l I went to college(called stank, retarded)and was used by a guy that made college even harder. I feel as if i should get over it and
Added (1). live but its not that easy with a granda who seek to keep you down in everyway and no job. My hair is always a mess and I wear hats everuday and my cllothes are still rather sad. Im trying to move forward and not excuses, but I a holding yself back for a husband (bc i feel worthless) and no one helpsme out bc Im strong and never show my pain. This make people hurt me more, because they think I dont know and I m even further depresse. Im 20 btw and no job, so this is a tragedy for me as I feel
Added (2). like am at a cross road in life, but stuck without job, anywho do I have a reason to be depressed or should I move on? If so how?
Added (3). ronald- no you are to hide behind a screen and make nonsensical coments
Added (4). yes,im aware that my grammar and spelling is off. My ole stupid keyboard is to blame

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